The Moses Bladder

Gall bladders have been on my mind lately. Mostly because I wanted mine out and nobody would take it out. I’m too fat I think for them to feel good about burying a scalpel in me. They might not find it again. Colons have been on my mind too. But colons are boring. They just lay there and do whatever it is they do. Sometimes they’re happy, sometimes they’re grumpy, but mostly, they are just there. Someone told me I needed to part with some colon. Two others said no I don’t.
But the Gall Bladder, that’s an entirely different story. Some people said it was bad, others said probably not. Now let’s think about this. What is a gall bladder? It’s a little bag that squishes nasty yellow-green stuff into your colon. Sometimes they get stones in them and clog up. No one has volunteered to create roto-rooter for the gall bladder. Just the name of the thing is weird. Gall from the French Charles De Gaul maybe? Or just from Golly. Maybe it comes from the Gaul of it all because how dare it get stones in it. Chickens eat stones, I don’t. Then there is Bladder from, the English translation of “the Bladder”. There are water bladders, wine bladders, bladder bladders, and gall bladders. Why a bladder, because you can wring it out for the last drop? I saw Moses do that in the Ten Commandments the other day. Nothing was coming out. Maybe he had water bladder stones. Maybe that’s where he got the idea to pull water from a stone. So this is Moses’ fault. Everything eventually gets back to that.
So in the end this was a religious thing. Surgeons are afraid to remove the gall bladder because the ACLU (who won’t defend Moses and his tablets in the court house, but will say he has the right to be heard from but removing a gall bladder will cause people to think Biblically) will sue the surgeon’s because the surgeons want to separate a gall bladder from a person’s state, no matter how poor that state has become.
So I went in for the test on Friday to look at, what else, my stomach, since my gall bladder hurt. I turned to the Surgeon and said when you don’t find anything wrong with my stomach take my gall bladder out. He agreed, because there is money involved. But that’s when the paper work started. I had to have carpel tunnel surgery from all the signing, then they went ahead and took the gall bladder out. Now mind you, I was thinking Biblically, but I didn’t say it to anyone, so that doesn’t count. When the bladder thingy was out, of course we found out it didn’t squish as good as it used to. In fact I’d managed to scar the thing up. That happens when you pick your gall bladder I guess. Of course when I woke up I was in pain. But I could tell immediately that my 2 year battle was over.
By the time the nurses got through walking me up and down the hall like a puppy I had used so many muscles that I never knew existed trying to move around without scrapping off the little tapes on my incisions, that I was actually sorer from the exercise than the little cuts. So far no little globs of fat or scalpels have fallen out of the holes, and I don’t miss my gall bladder at all. I know we’ve been together for awhile now, but frankly I wouldn’t even friend it on Face Book.
I’ve known people who brought their gall bladders home in a little jar with them. I didn’t want mine. What am I going to do with it, wring it out to see if Moses is in there? No one said anything about stones either, so I’m not a chicken. So now I’m a bladderless, Colon owning, non-chicken, who did not eat the stone tablets when Moses tossed them. Sheesh this is as bad as turning 20…now I have to define myself all over again. There’s hope Obama, I might become a socialist after all! You can thank my diseased gall bladder the next time you speak to Congress.

Termination Notice

As a citizen of the United States of America I call for the resignation of the President and his entire Cabinet including all Secretaries and under Secretaries. I call for the resignation of every member of Congress, both the Senate and the House and all of their employees. I call for the Joint Chiefs to act as Commander in Chief for a brief period. All resignations will be effective 5/1/2009.

I call on the states to elect new members of the House of Representatives in an election held on June 30, 2009. No existing member of Congress current or past, no current or past public official, local, state or national may run for this temporary Congress. The only function this Congress initially will have is the responsibility to elect a President and Vice-President. These two people will not have held public office currently or in the past. They may not run for the office or campaign for the office. They will take office July 4, 2009. Their only function will be to act as commander-in-chief. They will have no power to expand our current military operations. They will have no power to reduce our current military operations. Their only function will be to protect the military and our country from harm.

Upon taking office the President will mandate elections for the Senate to take place no later than July 27, 2009. The same rules apply for this election as for the House election as far as who is eligible to run. Once the Senate is in place they will determine the needs in consultation with the President what Cabinet level Departments are needed not to exceed 10. Also all members of the Supreme Court and Federal judges across the country will resign when the Senate takes office. Federal judges will remain in office until the Senate confirms the nominations of the President. No current or past judge may serve in any capacity. Nominations and confirmation of judges will conclude no later than September 30, 2009.

All elected officials will serve for one term only and may not run for reelection. The next cycle of elections will resume as previously scheduled. Term limits will be set at 1 term. On the federal level the longest anyone will be able to serve is 12 years beginning with 2 years in the House, 6 in the Senate, and 12 as President or Vice-President. I call for a constitutional amendment to set these term limits and a limit on a Vice-President running for President after serving as Vice-President. A Vice-President may succeed a President upon death or incapacity, but may not run for election to the Presidency. The Vice-President’s duties will continue as constituted and will also include a portfolio in the cabinet if the President so desires.

I then call on the states to follow suit in a similar manner with the resignations of the Governor and Legislatures and eventually all mayors and council members. The judiciary will need to eventually be changed completely as well. All of this must complete by the end of the year, and similar term limits and rules about who can run for office.

When this is all done by the end of this year, we will have revamped our system pressed the reset button if you will. We will then be strictly governed by (and I know this comes as a shock and worry to some) gasp! The current Constitution of the United States, where presidents can’t fire CEOs, government’s business isn’t business, and people with some common sense about how an economy should run can allow it to run.

I’m sick of it all. And as a taxpayer and citizen, I demand my money’s worth from my elected officials and someone with some common sense, not a socialistic agenda to run the Country the way it was supposed to be run. The way it is now, I’m sorry, but your services are no longer required, you’re fired!