All I want for Christmas

I should have probably recognized the signs early. We were just finishing a difficult year, full of court cases and other trauma, and were getting ready for the second round when the year started. Then Cholo died. We were still on the outs with extended family. My mother was not overly supportive of our view. My dad’s dementia got worse. Then I lost my job. I appreciated the job; I really liked the company. I just hated what I was doing. The money was starting to get interesting too. So now, I was a big loser on top of it all. My Dad decided I was a charity case and was making up reasons for me to work for him. I could not find a job even though I now hold an MBA. I think that is actually part of the problem. As our big day in court approached, I landed in the hospital nearly dead. I missed the court date. We won, sort of. There was a smudge that did not belong. Now I do not like most of my extended family, I have a besmirched name and no job and because of no insurance financially ruined. A friend of mine from school gave me a low paying job with him that might develop into something. My wife has worked her guts out this year trying to keep us afloat. Now my dad ends up in the hospital with chest pains and the hospital acts like a bunch of jerks, threatening to report us to social services. They did not give him his dementia medicine and kept him there for four days when two would have been plenty. Now he is staying at my stepsister’s house and I am supposed to figure out what we are going to do with him.
It has been a bad year, but I am not really all that down about it. Maybe a little worn out, but I really am not in the mood for the “holiday season” right now. I do not want any gifts. I do not want any parties. I do not want to be invited anywhere. I want to be left alone and leave town. Some nice peace and quiet would do nicely. I do not want to hear the kids argue, I do not want to shop, I do not want to over-eat. I want to be left alone for now. I do not want any more problems. I do not want any more experiences that will make me grow. I want to be happy. I want to stop worrying. I want to do something I want to do and make it matter, whatever that might be. I do not want to listen to Hillary and Bill, Obama and Oprah, or Mitt and all those other people who think they are the answer to the world’s problems. I want the Jazz to win a championship. I want my family to be happy and together and out of trouble. I want gas prices back at 25 cents a gallon. I want some hope for the future, and I want to stop feeling as if my life is a failure. Give me that stuff, and then we will talk about Christmas and Happy New Years. Until then turn off the commercialism and on the way out turn out the lights on the tree.

Baseball

I like baseball. I am sad it is over for another year. I was sorry to see a sweep in the World Series, even though it was fun to watch. Nevertheless, it ended too soon. Boston was dominant this year and could be for several more seasons. I enjoy the intrigue and chance of winning up until the last out. I love baseball for the statistics and what they tell about a team and players. I spent 20 years working in little league and figuring stats. It gave me a career in radio with the announcing I did, but I loved watching the kids develop and become stars. I loved the statistics that showed them exactly what the team could work on. I do not watch the stats that closely in the Majors now, and I do not watch a ton of games, just an occasional Saturday game, but the playoffs and World Series are my season.
I will say I was upset that Fox would only show the New York and Chicago teams this year. I like the Dodgers. I would have liked to be familiar with Colorado, Arizona, Seattle. The Red Sox, Mets and Yankees are fun to watch, but there are more teams out there. I suspect Fox was a bit disappointed Colorado got into the World Series from a ratings point of view. But for baseball lovers it was a great story and great for the game to see somebody else for a change. Now it is over for the year. Fortunately, the basketball season starts not too far behind it. So now, I am watching that with interest. However, it is not baseball. It is harder to be the star player in basketball than baseball, because there are usually only one or two stars on a basketball team. In baseball, you have nine chances (sometimes 10) to have a star. The stars shine, but so can the others on the team. At any given moment, someone can get a clutch hit, make a great defensive play or even score a run. So I will put baseball out of my head for another season. It was a fun one. Go Jazz.

Who are you Smarter than?

For the past year or so, I have spent most of my viewing pleasure on Fox and PBS and occasionally the CW. Now that “Malcolm in the Middle” reruns are off the air, and Fox and PBS played around with their schedules, I moved around a bit to some of the other networks, CBS, NBC and ABC. I was caught up in “Law and Order” and “Criminal Minds,” among others. With the new season, I like programs such as “Life”, “Reaper” and” Back to You”. My guilty pleasure is “Are You Smarter than a Fifth Grader”.
This is not a review of the new season. However, maybe it is. I suspect, though, it is more of a commentary on television in general. I am not amused. I know with cable or satellite there are some different choices, but what I see on broadcast television is a sorry commentary on the creativity of the program makers, the network gurus and perhaps society in general.
All I have seen lately revolves around two themes. Murder and the supernatural are the primary story lines. Sex is tiresome and offensive (I turn those shows off).
Some shows obviously are better. For instance, “Supernatural” puts “Ghost Whisperer” to shame. Nevertheless, the themes all revolve around blood and ghosts or vampires. Did “Buffy the Vampire Slayer” miss a few, and they bit the necks of TV executives, and now they are all under the spell of the dark-side?
Even though I like the show, “Bones” gets grosser and more shocking every week. All in the name of good fun and realism, I suppose. “House” beat up on Mormons recently, and has a God vs. Atheists agenda. Why can no one come up with something besides cop or hospital shows? What is the fascination with the occult these days? It seems the writers, producers, and executives in TV land are not smarter than a third grader. I think I will go read something and plan a vacation to meet Jeff Foxworthy (by the way, the statistics on this article put it at a seventh grade reading level, so I’m afraid the TV executives won’t get it…sorry).

Angel Nurse

My stay in the hospital was no fun obviously, but there was a time when I felt like someone really cared about me. There was a point where I was bleeding my first night in and they had to do an emergency colonoscopy and endoscopy. My blood pressure was so low, I could not have anesthesia. I did not enjoy the torture. I could feel the hose the doctor used and feel them pushing it through every curve and cranny in my body.
I do not know which end was worse the upper or lower gastrointestinal track. The thing made me gag severely and the other just plain hurt every time they moved it in further or twisted it around. It is not a good experience.
There were three big people holding me down and making sure, I did not move, or that I kept the thing you hold in your teeth in place. Those people were effective, and necessary. Much of the movement was involuntary. The language was not horrible, but I was not G rated either. Didn’t get as far as R. They even had me strapped down on top of it all. That was not pleasant to have these people on top of me, and the restriction was irritating, but I really did not protest or mind. I knew what they were doing. Funny thing is I did not even hate the doctor running the hose. I knew she was doing her job. I did not like it and in the end was just begging them to take out the hose. They never found anything, through all the torture.
However, in that time that seemed to be an eternity, there was a female nurse there. I did not see her face; I did not know who she was or where she came from. I did not see her again that I know of. Through the entire process, she stroked my hand gently on the back of it. Even when everyone was telling me to just relax and concentrate on my breathing (how do you do that when your mouth is full of a hose and your gag reflex is going nuts?) she just gently stroked and patted the back of my hand.
Do not get me wrong I was miserable but too weak to do anything about anything that was going on. I even thought, so this is what it feels like to die. However, there was an angel nurse there. I wish I had her name. She seemed to genuinely care and try to make me feel better. I do not know if that is something they train nurses to do to calm people down (I was not agitated, just in pain), or if it is something she just did instinctively. Nevertheless, it was nice and made the experience less traumatic.
It is interesting even though I was very low on blood and blood pressure, I never passed out and I always was intellectually there, if not always able to speak. The only time I really went out during the whole ordeal was when they gave me the drugs to do so. I was not prepared or expecting that. I remember the whole thing. When the Paramedic wanted to get me to respond to him, I had my eyes closed and he wanted me to look at him. I did and I told him I was there and answered all his questions, I just could not move and wanted my eyes closed, and never passed out. I really appreciated too what the paramedics did, they had to get me down the stairs and I was just too weak to do it myself. They brought in a chair that rolled me down the stairs. I felt bad for them, but they did a great job too. I believe they saved my life. I hated the ambulance ride though, very bumpy. Picture yourself riding in the back of a pickup truck lying down.
I am almost back to normal, still a bit sick and dizzy, but up and about again. Thank you my angel nurse and paramedics.

Hospital Hell

I spent 10 days in the hospital recently. I don't recommend it. I can't figure out why it's necessary to wake someone up at 3am to weigh them. The nurses at the third hospital I stayed at would let you sleep, oh maybe three hours, then wake you up to puncture you, or give you a pill, or weigh you, or just to wake you up and chat. This third hospital also insisted on this very annoying tube down through my nose into my stomach. They wanted to make sure the bleeding wasn't going on there. I told them we had done plenty of tests and diverticulitis in the colon was the problem, but they still insisted on the nose thing. Not only did it give me a 3 day headache, but it accomplished nothing but make me angry and feel like I was going to puke any second. The one good thing that came out of it is I didn't have to drink a second gallon of this stuff called Go Lightly. That was like drinking a gallon of dish soap. I got even though. I asked the Dr. to at least give me something so the thing didn't irritate me. Morphine and some relaxer put me out cold. They pumped the stuff in and I pumped the stuff out the other end...but of course I was not awake, so they got to clean me and the bed up. Unfortunately the Dr. didn't get the joy of his results. I went a week without food or water. They wouldn't even give me ice chips for most of it. Finally some nurse had sympathy on me. I finally got a liquid diet on a Friday. First food since Sunday. Boy did that Jello taste good. But then they kicked me out. Food was suddenly OK. I was back that night and spent the weekend and most of Monday at the hospital that never sleeps. It's been about a week now and after 12 units of blood, I'm still pretty weak and dizzy when I walk around. But at least I can sleep longer than 2 hours, and the IVs are disconnected. Things could be worse.

Florida: Land of no people

I went to Florida and it helped my obvious depression. It was too hot, but it was somewhere else. The Gulf of Mexico was 85 degrees. I like warm water. I don’t know the temperature of the Atlantic at Cocoa Beach the day we went but it wasn’t as warm, but certainly nicer than the Pacific. The waves were bigger though. I thoroughly enjoyed the places we visited. We didn’t do Disney…they are just prohibitively expensive. Too bad I like the concept at Disney. They have finally priced themselves to the point I just won’t pay it. The Kennedy Space Center is very interesting. And there is a ride at one of the Universal Parks that was worth the trip by itself. The Spiderman 3-d was amazing. The best 3-d presentation I’ve ever seen.

The one thing I wondered while we were there is where do the people live? I came to the conclusion no one lives in Florida. Those who claim to are really shipped in from somewhere else or are robots. We did see one little town called Celebration. There were actual Town Houses there, and it almost had a feel of being a movie set. The place was clean and no one on the street, while doing its best to be a prop. There was even a police car on the side of the street, with no one in it. We went to see the Harry Potter 5 film at a small theater, with free refills on the popcorn and soda. We went the day after the movie release. It was a 2 theater complex. There were maybe five people in the theater with us. I could not believe the emptiness. Where I’m from you have to stand in line still to get into the show.

There was no one there from Florida. People from Scotland and England, and Poland, and Wyoming, and Ohio…there were no Floridians. So who created the voting problem in Gore vs. Bush? Where were all the Potter fans? The news said there was a small plane that crashed into a couple houses somewhere in Orlando while we were there. We saw some smoke. But we saw no houses anywhere. We saw an alligator and a lot of water. There were tons of tourists. Maybe that was the problem, no one really lives in Florida and so no one really voted. The ballots were not really punched at all. I think the place is a pretend state. I’ve seen thick woods in New York and Connecticut. But there if you drive around a little you at least see some houses nestled in the trees. I guess I wonder about everyone who supposedly retires to live in Florida, where do they go? There were a ton of people at Clearwater beach the day we went, but none of them were from Florida.

Is it possible that Floridians avoid the beaches and the tourist areas? I saw a commercial about some political proposition to do something for the residents of Orlando for a change, now they have created a tourist Mecca. I would have voted against it. The idea was to raise taxes on hotel rooms so that visitors would pay for whatever it was the locals wanted. I can’t pass judgment on that we have something similar going on here where I live, but if no one really lives there who is going to vote for the proposition? The tourist can’t vote. Sounds like taxation without representation to me. There was one place in Wyoming we found that was at least honest about its local population….2. We met the entire population of that town that day. They were surprisingly enough from Wyoming. Florida needs some towns like that. They need a place where the visitors can go look at Floridians. I enjoyed Harry Potter without all the crowds, but it’s un-American to sit alone in a blockbuster without a bunch of others. Maybe they take the Harry Potter is evil movement more seriously than I do. But I suspect that must be programmed into the robot locals, by some anti Harry person. The one real person who lives there must hate Harry. They probably didn’t even get the last book.

Somehow that seems weird to me. Harry has grown up with my kids. I love the series and the books. But I’ve also been told how evil I must be to enjoy such trash. Somehow that comes off hollow to me because that same source loves Disney, with their witches, dwarves, beasts, and a mouse who is some wizard’s apprentice. So maybe that is what happened to the Floridians, they weren’t blown away by hurricanes, they were put under a spell to remain hidden from the tourists. That’s why the prices at Disney are so high, the overhead necessary to maintain the spell. Which explains the warm water in the Gulf…Florida is really Hell. It explains how hot it was down there. It also explains why people retire to Florida and are never seen again. It is really Pleasure Island from Pinocchio where you go and have fun, but in the end you’ll just pay the taxes for the devils that are hidden from view, the locals. It is in the end the reason why Florida doesn’t vote well. They are really evil voters who are thrust to hell after their lives in New York. Don’t get me started about the evils in New York.

Tick Tock

Tick tock the game is locked and nobody else can play; for if they do, we'll take their shoe, and keep it for a year or two. Hickory, Dickory Dock the mouse ran up the clock, the clock struck one and down he run Hickory Dickery Dock. Time, where does it take us; towards death, and then what? Time is of the essence. The hands of time move as the world turns. There’s the timely death, time robbers, Time Barons, Time magazine, time to call it a day. His time was up .It’s Time to come home to papa, Parsley, Sage, Rosemary and Thyme (no wait that doesn’t belong here).
I sit and watch the clock go, while I wait for calls about my resume. Tick, Tick, Tick, Tick. The program 60 minutes has nothing on my wait. That stop watch ran out a long time ago. I ran out of time to wait. Yet it still marches on and there’s not much else I can do. You see after a certain age and certain amount of education, time is not on your side when looking for a job, because the game is locked. Good jobs are only for those who have them. And it can take a year or two to luck into something. I thought more education would make it easier to progress. I thought I could get a better job. But, I’m too old now. My experience isn’t in a good job area. So, I’m over qualified or under qualified, or have no experience. I’m no longer picked by either captain. I’m not last, I just can’t play anymore. Or so it seems.
So I watch the time go by. I have a lot of resumes to send every day. But as I’ve mentioned before, the phone just doesn’t ring. When it does its an insurance company wanting me to sell for them. I don’t want to sell insurance. Insurance is another game people can’t play, they can only pay. If you do play or don’t pay enough then you’re locked out and they keep your shoe…the money you spent with them they are investing and making more money than you’ll ever see with.
I watch my 1 year old and his biggest concern is who is watching him now. What can he get away with next? Where is his security blanket? Where is mine. Unemployment rots a marriage, because not only do you have no self confidence any more, but no one else in the family has confidence in you. Well the one year old does as long as you keep his pants changed. But it isn’t long before he will think you can’t possibly know anything. I’ve learned how to let them think that. It makes the teens feel better. I don’t have anything to prove anymore. I did my time in school and have a GPA to be proud of, but I can’t get a job because I don’t have “experience.”
Interesting thing about experience, you can learn tasks anywhere on any job, but you can’t learn that certain wisdom that comes with putting your time in. I don’t really care what position it is you had, as long as you had it, and learned from it. True there are some things that must be learned before you do them, but for most jobs you can learn that on the job and pretty quickly. How you survive in a job though, that is what experience brings you. That takes time. I’ve had plenty of time in positions of all kinds. But the game is locked. I’m not the best candidate because I didn’t do this or that or don’t know a certain program. The fact programs are easy to pick up and this or that is too has no bearing on the decision, but it is the measure.
I’d give up if I didn’t have to feed the family. The one year old is someone else’s major responsibility, but they’re playing in the game. So I get to watch him while their off playing. Me I’m watching the hour hand go around. Typing up my complaints for no one to read or care about, and waiting for my time to be up. I’m waiting for someone else to determine my fate. I can only look and network and apply. Someone else gets to decide.

A Chilling Tale

I get in my email…nearly daily now…someone having a fit over illegal immigration. I am not for illegal anything, but immigration is of course not only a hot topic, a fad topic, and a very difficult and hard to resolve topic, but it is becoming something of a hate issue. I get things in the mail saying there are so many illegal aliens in our prisons, so many have violent history, only so many really pick the crops (not as much as you would think), but then there are no sources, or just a general source saying such and such a newspaper has these facts. No one is going to check those unless they are involved in some way in the policymaking. Therefore, I can only hope they are somewhat accurate. Of course, the other word that always accompanies such emails is “chilling.”
This will chill you to the bones. If this is not chilling information, I do not know what is. These chilling facts are going to open your eyes. Send this email to all your friends and relatives so they can learn these chilling facts. I almost feel like its Eskimos who are doing the illegal immigration, and they are bringing chilly weather with them. The truth is of course they are coming from the other direction; the south instead of the north, so there is not much chilly about them…perhaps chili is what we are all supposed to feel. However, that gives you a nice warm fuzzy feeling, so I doubt that is the context.
No the real context is bigotry I am afraid. As much as the loud mouths want to make it, otherwise they really just hate Latinos. I have many friends and acquaintances from south of the border and quite honestly find them a lot better people than some of the white folk I know, who can’t stand the thought of someone else trying to better themselves. Now I am not here to endorse illegal immigration, far from it, but it is a reality and until wiser folks than I can figure out how to stop it, I am not going to participate in the bashing. It is a serious problem and it needs immediate attention.
I for one would like to see companies stop providing services in Spanish, and the Government needs to lead the way. I understand there is a need in some respects for some forms to be in Spanish, but if a company in the United States has to provide Spanish language services, and then they are not doing the country a favor. Should we expect people to learn English? Yes. Should we expect them to follow the law when coming to this country? Yes. However, until we have the national will to enforce such actions, we will continue to have the problem. I think the will is there among the electorate, but not with the politicians who have to cater to the Latino vote. Congress is where the backbone is weakest, and needs some type of brace to sure it up. However, bashing illegal immigrants and painting them as the villains of our time, is not the way to go about this. Instead of sending your bigoted emails to me, send them to your Congressperson. Let them sort out the will of the country. The problem is you are going to have to be rational and credible. So far, you are not showing that to me, and I do not even matter!
We are all children of the same God and we should treat each other with the type of respect that deserves. Helping them stay home and providing for their families is probably the best resolution. How that is accomplished, I do not know. We need to calm down our bigotry and bigots or we are going to see something akin to the 1960s riots or worse, a civil war.

The Nothing

Headache…pound, throb, hurt, can’t stand the noise, can’t stand the light, can’t stand my head. Aspirin doesn’t touch it. Sometimes analgesics work. Thump, Thump, Thump. I can’t get away from it. Put cold on it. That helps, but it’s still there. The caffeine is starting to work. It doesn’t hurt as much, but the pressure…yes the pressure is still there. I have relief, I still have a headache. Don’t feel like moving. Feel depressed in fact. Don’t want to think. I can’t think really. Want to sleep, but I’m not tired, thanks to the caffeine. I want to disappear, but I can’t, I have a headache. Every noise is so irritating. I don’t want to move. I don’t want this headache. It goes on for three days. Sometimes the pain is so unbearable I want to evaporate. Then it eases, but it still throbs. My eyes hurt. My skin hurts. My stomach is sick. I want to scream but that hurts. I sneeze and my head feels like it will blow apart. I wish it would and get it over with. I’m depressed. Nobody cares. No one should. I am not a winner like I grew up believing. I have talents no one wants. Please don’t let the phone ring, I’d have to move. I want to dissolve into nothing. I can’t kill myself; it would take too much effort. I’m a coward anyway. No one matters to me. Oh, my head. I’m a loser. I can’t win. I never win. I’m not worth the space I take up. I want to get out of that space, because it hurts. Not just my head hurts, I hurt everywhere. It’s not emotional. It is physical. I hurt everywhere but nowhere. Ice packs wouldn’t help. I’m hungry. I don’t care. Moving, well I know moving would help, but it hurts to move. I can’t see really. I’m too much inside myself. My head, my spirit is in there somewhere, but where? Looking deep for the spirit, maybe there’s some relief there. It hurts to pray. It hurts to think. Don’t think. All I can think of is I don’t like where I am. I can’t move. I can’t comprehend what I see and hear. It’s a black hole I am in and I can’t get out. I should get up and take the pill. I can’t move. I don’t want to move. I’m such a slug.
The headache it is gone, the pressure and pain are gone. I feel better. I still hurt. I can move. I can see. I can comprehend. I can move. Take the pill. Lie down to wait. Sleep. Awake. I don’t hurt. I can think. I can move. I am back. I am a child of God. My spirit is there. I can pray. I can give thanks. I work and produce. The next headache will come, but I don’t have to wait for it. I can function. I can hope.

Ring-a-ding-ding

I’m sitting by the phone. I’m waiting for it to ring. It isn’t. When it does ring, someone on the other end wants me to spend money. So for all intents and purposes the phone isn’t ringing, it’s mooching. I pay the bill, well I have until now, but since I’m not making any money right now (and Blogging doesn’t help much either)…I might not be doing that soon. Then the phone couldn’t ring. It’s not that it wouldn’t or shouldn’t but at that point it couldn’t. Ringing phones drive me nuts. I hate the noise and I usually don’t want to talk to whoever is on the other end. But I want it to ring now and it won’t. Why not? I pay good money for it to ring. When it does I’m getting nothing out of it but annoyances. So why won’t it ring for me?

When the phone rings at our house it used to be everyone would race to answer it. Now as the kids grow older the only person who really wants to answer the phone is my wife. It’s usually for her anyway. She has a lot of irons in the fire and everybody likes her. My oldest son has people he calls. But that isn’t usually constructive. Then when the youngest is home between him and his friends the phone is in constant use and ringing somewhere, but not for me, never for me. I don’t bother to get up anymore to answer it. I do have it sitting next to me during the day, hoping that it will ring. The only ring I want to hear right now is a multi-million dollar job offer. That won’t happen so a normal job offer would be a welcome ring.

When you think about it the phone ring is really a ring through your nose. It leads you around your life pulling you where it wants. I always thought a service was supposed to serve. Instead the phone ring dictates. Like a wedding ring when it rings you must be faithful and answer it, after all you paid for the thing. If you aren’t faithful and let it go to voice mail, you get the huffy who hang up after two rings, the people who have real and good reasons to call you, and those who hang up on the voice mail. Those who hang up on voice mail are the dregs of the world. They are too important to leave a message. I don’t want to talk to them anyway, so stop calling. Those who are too busy to wait for the four rings are too busy for me to care about, so I wish they would stop calling. Those who leave legitimate messages want to talk to my wife…so call her cell phone and leave me out of it.

I wish the phone would ring, but there are some conditions to it. I pay enough money for it that it needs to do its job…so I can have one. Otherwise, just don’t bother to call. My wife isn’t home anyway. She’s out working so we can pay for the phone I don’t want to talk on. I guess I’m paying for one phone call. You’d think the price would go down, it doesn’t. If the right phone call comes I can afford to keep the phone around, and eat, and have heat and all that fun stuff.

I wish the phone would ring. Any phone ringing would be nice, even the cell phone, which I never answer. Please don’t call me, unless you have a job for me. I’m too busy playing Bejeweled.

Life After Work

I was fired on Friday the 13th. The date really wasn’t significant. But as I carried my things out to my car I got a hernia. When I got home I found out my son was arrested. Now that was a bad day. Bad days come in a variety of flavors. Bad days where you have a hard time at work seem to be the most common. People yell at you, or you can’t figure something out, or if you do its wrong. Then there is the bad day where things just don’t go right at home. The kids are rotten, the bills are too high, and maybe there was a fender bender. The real bad ones are the days where you or someone you know get hurt or die or something like that.

None of the bad days are good by definition. But some you can forget about and just move on. Others you have to live with for awhile. I especially don’t like those kinds of bad days. But then there are those like my Friday the 13th experience where they all combine. That’s called stress. The interesting thing is everyone wants to cheer you up and tries to make you feel like everything is fine. You smile and agree and say I hope so and thank you, when the truth of the mater is you just want to be angry for at least a day.

I mean really, don’t you deserve just one day to feel like a loser? A day where you can curse the cosmic realities of life and just say to hell with you all? I think you deserve that on a day like my Friday the 13th. You might even deserve 2 days. But then you have to get on with living on Monday the 16th. Look for a job, schedule surgery for the hernia, go bail your kid out of jail. But you at least deserve one day of being just plain angry at the world.

Now I know that isn’t productive, but it feels better by the time Monday comes around. During my pout session I did wonder if it would be allowed in heaven to pout when the harp polish runs out or if the wing clippings don’t get swept up from the clouds after the trim. Is pouting allowed in Heaven? Can you be fired from Heaven once you’re in? St. Peter from HR sits you down and says after reviewing your last miracle we’ve decided that this isn’t a good fit and so we are letting you go. You ask in a panic, “You don’t mean I’m going to hell?” St. Peter simply nods, and you ask, “Am I re-hirable?” St. Peter starts quoting chapter and verse from the Heaven handbook of standard operating procedures and lets you know that after only one millennia you may re-apply for angel ship, but that your permanent file will be retained for at least 7 millennia for legal purposes. They can’t have all those lawyers from hell knocking on their door without documentation.

Of course you could still apply for other positions, Guardian Angel is open occasionally, and so is benevolent ghost. But full fledged Angelhood will be very difficult. But Heaven does have a policy about hiring from within, so there is a chance of both lateral and even upward promotions. Unfortunately, though at this time, you are condemned to Hell for the time being. There is a spot in Limbo, or at least there was until the Pope decided to downsize and closed the department. So you won’t need to take your drink cup, it won’t be allowed down there anyway. Good luck and happy Friday the 13th.

You see, there is life after work, its the quality that is in question. So can you be angry in hell for a decade or two and pout, before you start applying for coal distribution director?

Progress to Where or Will I Ever Get There?

There I was the other morning, driving to work, listening to my CD, shooting the cars in front of me who decided to enforce the speed limit 5-10 miles under the limit (they travel in groups you know)...OK not literally shooting them...but pushing the off button for my cruise control and making shooting sounds (laser sounds of course), when suddenly we get stopped at a light which if we had traveled at or just 5 over the speed limit we would all have made...I looked over to the car on my right.
Now understand I am not anti female driver. I really am not. I find that there are a lot of good female drivers. My wife included. But this person in the car next to me was a female. She had her cell phone in one ear on her shoulder, she was using her left hand to put on makeup, while she was reaching into the back seat giving the baby a bottle. From the looks of her she's not one of those speed limit enforcers, but she is one of those traffic hazards that are wandering from right to left in her lane, going slower than the flow of traffic (not to mention the speed limit) and then she suddenly darts into your lane in front of you, because she decides she wants to be there instead of in the right outside lane.
Now this person is the same person who writes to the newspaper in the letters to the editor and complains that someone somewhere is thinking of putting a law on cell phone use. I say forget the phone, put a law against her driving. Because if she's not on the phone she's thumbing through her CD collection or playing with the radio dial, While combing her hair and handing the baby a cookie.

She of course objects to the law and also insists she has the right to drive the speed limit in the left lane. It is her right and she's going to do it, and she doesn't see that her driving is impaired at all. At this point an out of body experience might help her see what kind of driver she is. I'd love to have her sit in the passenger seat next to me while I drive behind her and the other two idiots in the other two lanes in front of me, keeping pace with her. You can't go around them, unless you go into the emergency lane. And each one has their own agenda. The enforcers are the ones who say they are going to obey the speed limit and by darn (they wouldn't ever say damn) so will you. They are pious and snooty. But when they need to butt in line in front of you they are also the ones most angry when you refuse to give ground. After all it is their right.
The guy in the other lane is wearing a hat...and is 90 years old and driving carefully, but trying desperately to keep up. These guys write to the editor and complain about all those cars whizzing past them...why can't people just slow down (tell that to my boss, they insist I come in on time. So why don't I leave early? I do. But when you get into one of these processions you might as well just waive to the passing crowd like you're in a parade...because you're going to be late no matter how early you leave. Then if you do get to work a little early...well I sit in the car and enjoy some more CD. Who wants to give the boss free time?).
Those are the good days. Now they are reconstructing a major intersection on my way to work. You know in all the years I've traveled through that intersection over 10 years...it's never been a problem or have a lot of back up...but in the wisdom of the traffic engineers they're going to try some new fangled intersection where at a certain time of day it goes one way and another time of day it goes the other. In the meantime, the traffic jams that never were happening are.
Can you imagine what will happen when they get done? Which way is which? What time is it now? What I see is a bunch of traffic jams and accidents...but it's all progress isn't it. I wish I were a flying squirrel.

Lizard Lips

This past week reminds me of the little ditty from the play Paint Your Wagon…Ol’ Ben Rumson got married today, married today, married today. Ol’ Ben Rumson got married today. What’ll he do tomorrow? Substitute Nancy Pelosi for Ol’ Ben Rumson and “went to Syria” for “got married” and you see why this past week was one for the silly file. Let’s see now, who elected Nancy Pelosi Queen? The only thing I’ve seen her do well is lick her lips contemptuously behind the President during the State of the Union. Lizard Lips Nancy, elected by the weirdoes’ of San Francisco. And this is who the media wants to see buck the system and go negotiate world peace with Syria. Oh it is all a media stunt to be sure. If CNN and the rest ignored the trip she would not have been in bed with the Terrorist government of Syria. But then the media is always good for a laugh.

For instance, Vice President Cheney was picked as a graduation speaker at BYU. There are protests….at BYU. Of course that’s all fermenting from Rocky Anderson mayor of Salt Lake City and his desire to impeach somebody, anybody. He’d impeach Hannity if he knew how. While we’re at the media this week, we can’t forget how Warren Jeffs was discredited in court this week by a daily newspaper who took a peak at a private letter through a camera lens then splashed it on the front page. This guy is being tried in the press obviously and just lost, because some photographer snapped a pitcher and you could read his note. Now he’s considered guilty before the trial even starts. He may be. But at least let him have his trial before pronouncing him man and wife with the gurney.
I’ve watched several stories about sex offenders this week, where the homes and addresses of the accused (not convicted) are shown on the nightly news. These ogres of society (and if they are guilty they are much worse than that) are outed and hung before they even are arraigned. Guilty until proven innocent…that’s what I always say. Make them prove their innocence against lying kids who have agendas….oh wait children never lie do they, sorry forgot. Prosecutors have all the luck. Yes I have some issues…not the ones you are suspecting though.

Back to Nancy though, in all her wisdom she is conducting foreign policy on behalf of a country that didn’t elect her. She is only third in line because she holds an office the Founding Fathers thought might be useful in the event of a national major tragedy. She’ll never be president. There are amendments to the Constitution that will see to that. What I can’t figure out is where the Democrats come up with this so called mandate. The elections they won were so narrow they could have swung either way, and were based on local issues, otherwise Lieberman would have lost. So here’s what the media can do to help things along. Give Lizard Lips a book deal for a Coup. She can march into the White House while George and the Mrs. are in Texas…and plop her self down behind the desk, lick her lips and then just surrender the United States to Islam. That should do it. Nancy Pelosi committed treason today, treason today, treason today, Nancy Pelosi committed treason today, what’ll she do tomorrow? Speak at BYU commencement! Won’t Rocky be so proud!

Idle

Why do I watch Idol? I don't like the show. I have no love for any of the judges or the host. I can't stand the way most of them sing. So why do I watch it? I have no idea. It must be the competition. The suspense of who will not be there, and watching the contestants squirm while they wait to find out. That must be it. I think I put myself in their position and identify with them. In real life I seem to always be in the position where someone else holds my fate in their hands, and I have to wait for the blade to fall.
I think we all are in a position like that often. That's why we watch. It's like a going to a bullfight and cheering for the bull. At a hockey game the real entertainment is if they get in a fight…to heck with the game. So why do I watch American Idol? It isn’t a civilized reason I’m quite sure.
Why do we watch the elections with fascination or the scandals in Washington as they unfold? Is it because we want to see somebody “git” it? Take Gonzales, the Attorney General for now. He can’t survive all of the attention he’s getting. We all know it so we watch the news and how it unfolds. We want to see a Mormon “git” it in the polls. We want Hillary to make it just because she’s a woman. Now the question is once she has the nomination what will we be hoping for? That she “gits” it and Rudy kills her on Election Day? Or are we watching and hoping she gets into office and messes up to the point that a woman can’t be elected again for sometime? Or are we just fascinated by the battle?
I’m to the point right now that I’d just as soon be voted off the Earth rather than go through all this nonsense. I’m tired of Democrats trying to embarrass Republicans, and Republicans trying to assert infallibility, and Obama trying to be white and Hillary trying to be Black, Rudy trying to be conservative, and Bush trying to be right. I’m tired of people having my future in their hands and toying with it. I’m tired of people telling me what to do and how to do it. I’m tired of being the person who can’t go anywhere or do anything, because someone somewhere thinks I should always be at entry level in authority and pay, as they pat themselves on the back. I had someone tell me an email I sent was condescending, in her own condescending tone of voice. I’m tired of bigotry, I’m tired of hatred, I’m tired of the election, I tired of Shawn Hannity, I’m tired of Rocky Anderson, I’m tired of American Idol. But I’ll probably watch it again next week. What else is there to do? Read a book? Even then someone is telling you what to think.
As a read this over I realize that there are a lot of people, if they read this, would say, “Take the bull by the horns, make something of yourself.” But you see every time I do that the crowd cheers for the bull. I cheer for the bull sometimes. After a lifetime of getting smacked down and getting back up, I’m running out of energy to keep getting back up. When does my turn come? There are no turns. You have to be the bull, and in the end you still lose. So what is the answer? Tell me quick before Idol (or is it Idle?) comes back on….PLEEEEAAAASE!!!!

Cholo

I heard a number last week that was interesting. 23,000. The number alone doesn’t mean much. Put it together with 14 hours. Is it still extraneous? Try this number. 3,000, combined with 4 years. That set may be more obvious in today’s world. Here’s another one. 6,000 in 3 to 4 hours. That you’ll never guess unless you witnessed it. I did last Sunday night, and though similar astounding numbers were in play today as well, there’s only one number on my mind after the events of the last 72 hours or so. The number is one. That’s it, just one.

You see, the first number, 23,000 is one I learned this week in a PBS documentary about the Civil War. It is the death toll at the battle of Antietam, a battle that lasted about 14 hours. The numbers 3,000 in 4 years is the approximate loss of American soldiers in Iraq, which pales in comparison. The last number is the number of people who passed through a reception line last night to spend 30 seconds to offer their condolences to a young man’s parents, whose son was killed in a tragic accident. The number one…the dead boy who had such an impact on so many people that they were willing to spend their Sunday evening, and their day Monday saying goodbye.

One young man, age 18. His life snuffed out when he was doing something he knew he shouldn’t do. In his short life his vibrant personality, the twinkle in his eye, his laughter, his willingness to reach out to one person at a time and treat them as best friends, created one unforgettable legacy. His death devastated his family, his school, his friends, and relatives. I’m one of the latter. I didn’t spend hours and days with him. I did recognize his goodness and ability to light up a room. He had that charisma that is magical and unexplainable.

In 24 hours the world will rotate 360 degrees. 6,000 lives will go on. One mother though is living with a heart as broken as his body. One father has emptiness so very deep it will never again be full. One sister lives on with memories of a younger brother she will not have standing in her wedding line (as if he would have stayed put anyway). One cousin will miss his best friend. One 2nd cousin who always admired him and who wished he had known him better, will miss him because he was a joy to watch as he worked his magic. This is one young man who won’t go to war, one young man who won’t be there to make the outcast his best friend, one young man who made a mistake and left us all wondering what should have been.

And though the 23,000 and the 3,000 each has their own story, this one is one story that I know. This one is sad and tragic. I’m sure the others are too. But there is One whom we can turn to, all 6 Billion of us. Each one of us can seek the comfort from this One who weeps with us at what could have been, but will now use the experience of this one young man to help us all become better at being one who can make a difference. You weren’t perfect I know, but thank you, Cholo for being one with Him who heals us and makes miracles happen. Your life, though needlessly cut short, was not in vain and your death has helped to turn at least one heart toward a better path.

The Little Blue Box

I'm getting too old. There I sat last night...putting pills into the little squares in little blue box for the next two weeks, so I don't have to remember which ones to take out of the bottle, and so I have plenty of lead time to order the next round. Instead of telling bar jokes mine go something like this...a man walks into a Pharmacy...sigh...I take too many pills one to make me happy, two to make my blood pressure better, 3 or more to make sure my heart doesn't stop, one to stop my nose from running all the time, one to make sure I have all my vitamins, one to make sure I have enough vitamin E, then another one to make me happy. Then some kind of goo that is supposed to fix something or other, I'm not sure what that one's all about...but it has something to do with one of those that keep my heart and other muscles running.
As I did that, I was just fresh from a Jr High School band concert my kid was in. I'm getting too old. The thing sounded like everyone was playing a different song. Someone was squeaking in the woodwind section. The drums were louder than the trombones...which sounded like WaAAAaaaH....when they were supposed to be WAAAAW. Then they brought out a choir that was too self conscious to sing loud enough. I was sitting next to a kid about the same age who seemed to know the music and was playing air drums and directing the band. My kid was in a bright orange shirt with a bow tie...the rest were mostly in white shirts...so he stood out, but I couldn't see him because he was further back in...and the kid on the end had hair that hung to his neck and in his eyes...which I'm sure made a mess of his glasses for the grease. Don't know how he was reading the music because his head was bobbing time...and the drummer I don't know what he was saying the whole time but he looked like he was counting time in some other language. I was irritated by the whole thing.
Which makes me wonder how I'm going to handle the grandkid. He is great right now...only 9 months old...but there's the two's and three's ahead and then of course the teens...but you see I'm getting too old now, what will happen when he starts getting into everything and making noise...and then there's the school plays and sports...and whew I'm getting older just thinking about it. I think I'll go add a few extra doses of that happy pill to the little blue box.

What does it take to be President?

I really got a kick out of Hillary and Obama last weekend trying to out black the other one in Selma Alabama. And Hillary of course had to drag out her southern accent. Face it no matter how hard she tries, she's still white. He's still a mixture and neither one of them were there when Selma went nuts. That is all just a bunch of fun to watch, the Demo's falling over each other trying to out demo the other demo....but the one that has my attention is the Republican side.

I mean there are a bunch of them running, a bunch that no one knows then there are the big three. Sounds like the auto industry. There's Mitt, and Rudy and that guy from AZ. McCain. Rudy can't possibly win because the southern baptists....oh excuse me the conservative christian coalition..my mistake, because he is in love with abortion. McCain can't win because he got mad at Fallwell last time, and Mitt, well he can't win because he's a Marmon...Mormon for people outside of southern Utah...oh and he loves gays.

Now here's the problem with all of that, Rudy isn't going to have any affect on abortion McCain is kissing up the Jerry and Mitt...well he's Mormon. I find it interesting that the so called Christians that gave us Bill Clinton, and Jimmy Carter, or the Catholics who gave us John Kennedy, with some of the most inept leadership and moral depravity...those Christians can't vote for a Mormon, because he believes people can become better than they are, who was elected in a state that gave us Kennedy and Kerry and the State Supreme Court that gave us gay marriage...that a guy like that who has nothing but excellent accomplishments to his name, who turned the Salt Lake Olympics into a model for future Olympics from the jaws of scandal...those Christians can't vote for him because he's one of them there Mormon guys. (you know he has horns and believes in polygamy don't you?).

I don't know if Mitt can win, and I don't know if he's the best choice, and I doubt it would be good for him to take his religion and allow the media to blame everything on his church once he became president anyway. But I see a lot more morals and the ability to try to be himself, than I do in any of the others. The Christian right gave us Bush for that matter and everybody hates him...and yes, I'll say it Gore may have won with a different vice-presidential choice..thank heavens Lieberman is Jewish...though a democrat an excellent statesman and would have been a good president when Gore resigned to make movies.

I just wonder where some people come off saying Mitt is Mormon so we won't vote for him...but we'll put Bill in office to do his hanky-panky, and Hillary we'll put her back so she can steal some more furniture. Did you ever wonder once her 8 years were over what she would do with Bill? Off with his head.....something we should probably pass along to most of the candidates now.

Global Whating?

OK so now it is March and as I'm shoveling another three inches of Al Gore's global warming off the driveway, I begin to wonder about how weird this world is getting. Not the environment. I'm afraid folks I just simply believe the environment is doing its thing and we're rather pompous to think we have much control over most of it. No, I'm wondering more about people who are so adamant that we are all going to become extinct, but before we do the war will make us all the moral equivalents of Hitler, and we should all just stay home and watch the pretty people on TV brag about their wives...these are the women I'm talking about, while they congratulate themselves on making boring smut. Other than that I don't have much to say about them.
I mean come on...they are people...big mouthed and making more money than they deserve. They sit in offices thinking up things we are doing wrong and insist we fix them, then try to normalize stuff we really don't like, because we are of course not enlightened. What these fools forget is they learned it from the 60s...if you say something long enough and often enough it becomes true...like there's nothing wrong with free sex, never mind the STDs, but go for it...and while you're at it go for it with a Duck or something else that strikes your fancy.
I do have to admit the radio stunt where the DJ married the Duck to protest marriage laws in his state was a hoot. Interestingly his wife's name was Lark.
But come on...John Kerry is as big a boob as he was when he turned tail on Vietnam...Al Gore is as stupid as his statement that he invented the Internet, and he stood by a President who pointed his finger (the middle one would have been appropriate) at the American public to admit he didn't have sex with that woman...but just in case what does sex mean? (It doesn't mean she didn't inhale Bill). I got up and left when that man/woman got on stage at the Oscars and thanked her wife.
I'm sorry, but there are some things that are wrong. That's one of them. And to say something like we regain our freedom in 2008 is just out of place. Those nose in the air attitudes and pompous pretty folk who know what is best, need to watch what Father knew back in the 50s and 60s. Not that we haven't progressed for the better, we have, but some guy licking some other guy's tongue in public turns my stomach. For that matter some guy licking some woman's tongue in public turns my stomach. Do I care who gets an Oscar. No. Do I care that Al Gore invented Global Warming? No. Do I care about if the car is going to get to work tomorrow in the snow...yep...sorry Al and the Academy, you've been switched off.

Hair

Hair is an interesting thing. The older you get the stranger it becomes. In my case I haven't lost a whole lot of it on my head, in fact I really have too much up there. I know that's not something to complain about, I'm not. But it really is quite thick, always has. For awhile my daughter would color it for me. I always wanted a golden tinge to the brown...but it was really too brown, but she was becoming a beautician so I was game and it was free. Now that she is tired of playing around with it it is becoming more and more a salt and pepper look with all the grey sneaking in. My mother is pure white so I suspect if I live long enough it will eventually reach that, and that's OK it looks cool on old guys.
I really have had an interesting relationship with hair. I hate haircuts and I hate people telling me how to wear it, wash it or cut it. I come from the wet head is dead generation and despise all the crap people put in their hair these days. My daughter wants me to use forming cream. I hate the way it feels, though it is better than that mouse crap it still feels stiff and like it's dirty. So I avoid it. My kids like it, and there are some genuine good styles that it helps, and I'm the last to criticize. I've always been on the side of leave me alone about my hair it doesn't make me less of an employee or boss or student or whatever. Though if you saw mine I keep it looking about the style a banker would wear, you'd never believe I was a rebel, well at least until I've gone 3 months without a haircut. When I was young my Mom would cut my hair and had this comb thing that had a razor in it. But the razor was dull, so instead of slicing the hair it pulled it out. So I really hate haircuts.
No the hair on my head isn't the hair I'm worried about. What I can't understand is the ear hair. Why? Why ear hair? I mean if we have evolved from something hairy why didn't the ear hair go away. What purpose does it serve? I regularly use my razor to shave it away. That's a tricky place to shave and more than once I had to walk away from the mirror with a dab of toilet paper attached to my ear to stop the bleeding. What I don't understand even more than why it's there, but why do some guys leave it there? I can imagine there may be a benefit of not being able to hear some people, but I've seen some guys with enough to braid. Not really but it really can look matted. I just don't get why they leave it there.
The other one that bugs me of course is nose hair. I had a mustache at one time so it wasn't as noticeable, but it was there. Some people don't do anything about it. I know it hurts like hades to pluck it out. But there are scissors and battery operated things that will trim it. I mean nothing is more distracting that a shnoz full of hair with things stuck in it. I wonder if it can grow from the nose back to the ear. Maybe then ear hair is really just nose hair misplaced or overgrown. What a thought that is.
There are plenty of places for hair and types of hair, but I just don't get the nose and ear stuff. I guess I really should be on the side of liberty and freedom for those places as well as the top of the head, but I can't bring myself to be that generous. Please just trim your ears and nose. Do whatever you want with the rest.

Sick and Tired

I'm a guy. Guys get sick. Guys have headaches. Guys get aches and pains. Non-Guys...wives...don't get sick except as it applies to guys. What I've found is I... the guy...am not allowed to mention any number of ailments. If I do then the wife instantly believes you don't love her anymore because you are trying to make yourself unattractive to her. So a guy has to be very careful about what ailments to reveal and when. Never before bed or during bed. Never anything that involves you being inhibited from doing the guy things the wife thinks you should be doing at the time she decides its guy thing doing time.
On the other hand, the wife can when she does get an ache or headache, or just plain tired, is allowed to whine. This of course is done and allowed at anytime. Especially effective is the whine on the phone to the other wives of the world. Of course this whine receives sympathy from the wives of the world, but it is not complete until the wife in question can whine that the guy in question is unsympathetic and the worst guy in the world. This also receives a lot of sympathy.
The next time you and your wife are then out with one of these other wives you immediately, as the guy must be submissive and meek as penance. No amount of explanation that at the same time as the whining was going on you had polio and the plague will do... which you, as the guy, of course did not dare reveal during the whine session (though you are sorely tempted), so you look meekly and praise the wife as being a real trooper through the whole thing. The other guy of course looks at you in disdain. What kind of real guy would ever side with the wives of the world about a whine. But you have to. It may not be a guy thing, but it is a guy requirement. Because there are times when you actually feel good and so does the wife and you can actually do enjoyable things together. Just make sure those things don't cost a lot of money that is spent on you. It's OK to spend the money on things like furniture. But don't buy a saw horse. Whatever you do not a saw horse or anything that goes along with it. You have to borrow those from her brother. Make sure you also check with her brother for instructions on how to do whatever it is, even though you've done it many times yourself without that other guy's help. The Brother is always a better guy than you, and you have to admit that or hear more whining. She'll call brother's wife and complain about you to her. Then you'll hear it from the brother who is only trying to help you become a real guy. Always remember you don't have any opinions either until you check with the brother. Now I'm at the stage where I have to check with brothers, but Father in laws qualify as supreme before the brother stage.
Then there is the son-in-law stage. He of course doesn't understand about guy stuff in a marriage. He is still new to the combination of guy and wife. He was so successful as a guy on his own that he doesn't believe you about guy stuff at first. After awhile you become very wise. Of course if he does stuff you don't do, when it comes time for you to do something that he does you have to check with him...even though you've done it lots of times.
So as a guy you don't know anything, you are in perfect health all of the time...and for heavens sakes don't forget you have to talk about the day's problems and all of the kids problems before you get to bed...Don't leave until you're ready for bed. You'll never come to end of it....in bed....and then you have to hear the whining about how you don't respect the wife's opinion, when all you want is some sleep. I'm afraid guys aren't equipped to talk, but wives are and you have to face it, you have no choice you have to learn to talk. Oh, yeah and don't forget to go downstairs and get her pills and a drink.

Computerless

I sent my computer in to have them do their little thing to make it work better. It really doesn't but I feel as if I've done my duty. Duty is a an interesting thing. When I was little it was the thing you did in your pants but shouldn't have...then it was a scouting thing Do your Duty to God and your Country. Then in the teen years it was something somebody in the military had to do. Now it is just a simple requirement of life. I suppose in the future it may get back to being something you shouldn't do in your pants, but I hope not. Right now my son feels it his teenage duty to try to talk to me about his school credits that will go on to college and some band trip he's going to take to Seattle that will cost me about $700, and then he is complaining how everyone makes a mess when they make dinner...then he is mad at having to do the dishes.

It was kind of nice to be without the computer though. I didn't have to read e-mail, I didn't look at the student loan, I didn't get started on the taxes....I really did but that's on the home computer, not my laptop. Having a laptop has made life much nicer. I don't have to fight with kids for the homework nights...yeah right as if they actually do homework, it's email, IM and games they really do. I don't have to wait for my wife to stop playing spider...I can play it myself on my own machine...and write up blogs that fulfill my need to write. I can apply for new jobs, play solitaire and even check up on the student loan without answering 20 questions about it. So being without the laptop has been a pain, but it sure was nice to disconnect from the world for awhile...well sort of, I'm on the 'puter all day long at work. You can't do anything except read the exciting knowledge base and the PR stuff they send you. Which brings up another point. Why do companies feel the need to tell you how wonderful they are and as a result how wonderful I am? They never tell you the bad stuff. It's always fluff and about some shlep who made some little old granny the happiest customer to walk the planet. Then they try to make you think you could be next. Which to be honest if they ever wrote something up like they do on me...I'd probably quit. I'm just not that fluffy bunny person they want to portray, so I'm not at risk.

I guess now that the computer's back (I did buy it a new battery and a new carrying case) life is normal again. Anyone have any cheats for 4 suit spider?

Woodshop

My son is taking woodshop...Woodshop 1. Tonight he asked me what his project should be. A nightstand, some kind of shelf...I wasn't paying attention...a grandfather clock? The last one caught my attention. I would love to have a grandfather clock. I'm a grandfather and I deserve a clock. Don't mind that every room has at least 2. So I started paying attention. It will only cost $700. $200 for the wood $500 for the guts.

When I was in woodshop it was in 7th grade we got to make a shoeshine box. I worked on that really hard but trying to smooth out one of the grooves for the tongue and groove...I managed to go all the way through to the otherside. I was highly embarrased. I got a B on the thing but I was the son of a home builder. How could I ruin such a thing, plus the band saw stuff never came out smooth. I was proud though when I brought it home. The wood putty that filled the offending hold stuck out (still does) like a sore thumb...but I've had that box for a million years...unless the kids have ruined it...which is likely. I have to admit I haven't seen it around lately.

$700 for a Grandfather clock...sheeesh...and he didn't think anything about it. He's never had wood shop before...though he is maticulous. Still I just can't imagine a first timer woodshop student and a grandfather clock...$700 no less. I know you can't buy one for that. But $700 for a first year student grandfather clock. Hickory and Dickory would have a blast running through the gouged holes. I've also never known a clock you put together to keep time anyway. $700. My younger son said...well why don't you pay $500 and he can pay $200. It still is $700 for an amatuer grandfather clock. Synchopation isn't the half of it. I'd die before the clock was finished and it would never run.

He's already hit me for $300 to go to Seattle for a Band trip. He hasn't left yet though. Maybe those guys who throw the fish up there can slap him with a salmon and knock some sense into him...the fish is probably $700 though.

For $700 he could make a bunch of night stands and sell them. Or those shelves he could make, would be a great addition to his room. Get some of the junk on them. Which reminds me the shelves I built a couple of weeks ago for my wife still need painting. He helped me with those. I saw how he used a saw and swung a hammer...$700...

Of course there is also the football camp he went to and the cell phone I end up paying for every month for him, and gasoline he uses in the cars, he did pay for his basketball league, He can do all that for less that $700. And he quit the football team. They wouldn't let him play...it was his first year ever playing football, so they went on to win the state championship without him...He's too short really to play high school basketball, but he is not too bad. He's no John Stockton, but he's not bad. Until he comes up with $700 for a grandfather clock.

If he really wants to build me something that will last in his woodshop 1 class, how about a nice casket. He's going to kill me about the same time he bankrupts me. $700!!!???!!!

Old Geezers

I admit it I'm getting older. I'm feeling it too. It doesn't help that my potasium levels make me ache all over most of the time, but age is starting to creep in. I feel it everytime I stand up and as I walk away from the chair it takes me several steps to straighten up. I was doing that one day and somebody thought I was having a real problem. Nope just the good old lower back. Lower back muscles just don't play fair. Will someone tell me how you're supposed to exercise them so they don't hurt and avoid not being able to walk the next day. I had a hernia operation several years ago (a sure sign of an old fart)...and I can't get rid of the back pain and I think it is pinching the sciatic nerve.

So with all the woes what does it mean to get older. First of all your kids start talking to you slower and louder, thinking you either can't hear or understand. Then when you're hair shows signs of gray of course it isn't a bad thing...its dignified. Of course behind your back they're all talking about how much time is left. When they start claiming things for their inheritance is when I hold a garage sale and make sure I mark those pieces down. The least they could do is wait til I bif it before they start to haggle over the stuff. Getting old means when you scan the obituaries you're seeing more and more of those your age showing up. What's even more disturbing is you actually start reading the obituary. I don't know if you hope you'll get some good material for the future or if you just want to make yourself feel better that it isn't yours.
Obituaries have gotten really strange in recent years. I heard of one guy who filmed his own reading of the obituary for the funeral. What a great way to get back at some people..."and to my brother in law with the whining kids and no backbone to discipline them, I hope you join me soon and give the world a break from your weenie way of raising kids." That could be fun.

I keep waiting for someone to give me the senior discount. I'm not there yet, but I'm not too far from some of them. I just wish AARP would quite sending mail. It gives the post office the wrong idea. Who wants the mailperson to know you're no spring chicken? I mean they control the mail that gets in the box and if they think you're old you'll start getting Ensure samples in the mail. If I'm ever to the point I have to drink that stuff...Please I'd rather have a V8.
Of course there's always those dependable jokes about aging, and no I don't want to wear them. If I'm going to be old and grumpy I don't want to do it diapers.

In fact as I get older I look meaner. I like that part. People steer clear of you and just kind of shake their head knowingly. "Poor fellow, must have gas today." If you get someone who wants to present something stupid as an old person you don't have to say much just shake your head and say something like "yes, I'm sure with your inexperience that sounds like a great idea, it was when we tried it too." Then just sit there and frown. The Frown lines around your mouth get really cool looking as you get older...Of course my generation all liked to wear mustaches and some beards...a really good mustache groomed so it points down is a great assett when you want to really frown. It doesn't hurt to leave the gray in it either.

So getting older itself isn't bad it's all the physical pain it creates. Mentally I'm great...and my voice is still taken as belonging to someone much younger..which in my job helps. I can sound my age or sound like a kid and get away with it. Credibility with the person on the other end of the phone depends on what they imagine you to be. Now if I could just perfect an Indian accent, people will think I'm stupid and ask for someone else. See age does come with its priveleges of sarcasm, cynicism and just plain meanness. It sure beats trying to impress everyone.

Flags

I have some friends in Scotland who are appalled that every where they turn when visiting the United States they see an American Flag. So they grit their teeth and enjoy everything the flag represents, but think it is boorish to display the flag so prominently and especially at retail establishments. Though they have a point of sorts, especially at retail outlets where it now seems to be a requirement to have a flag in front of the building, I find their complaint out of place.
If a place wants to put up a flag as long as it is kept clean and in good repair I like seeing them wave in the breeze. I'm patriotic enough, and enjoy the sight of the flag itself, but I like to watch them flutter. It is fascinating to watch what the breeze is doing to the flag. Sometimes it is just straight out and few wrinkles...other times it just kind of flops around, kind of like the politicians that keep arguing about whether it should be protected with a constituional amendment. I understand how important it is to those who fought under it. I've pledged allegience to it as one nation under God...and will continue to do so.
What I won't do is frequent businesses who are so stupid they don't know how many days are in a 30 day time frame. When a president dies the morning period is 30 days. It has nothing to do with the president's politics and how it meets your own personal agenda. When Nixon died there were a number of places that refused to lower the flag. When Clinton Dies I would have the same thoughts...but it has nothing to do with the politics, it has everything to do with the mourning the country is in when a president dies, regardless of their politics. We fight wars under that flag, we play baseball games, we shop under it, we freely elect officials because of it, when a president dies the flag goes to half staff, for 30 days, not a week, not 15 days...not 28 or 29 or whenever the janitor decides its been long enough. Businesses and others who fly the flag at full staff during a period of mourning not only show disrespect, but their own ignorance, and don't deserve anyone's reciprocal good feelings or money.
I mean the next time your mother-in-law passes on how wonderful for you when some guy gets up at the funeral and does a comedy roast on the state legislature. That's how inappropriate a full staff flag is during a period of national mourning. Ford was not in the class of Washington or Lincoln, but he had a place in history, some of it good, some of it controversial, some of it stupid (WIN buttons), and some real bloopers (Poland comes to mind), but he was the president elected or not. He died. We are in national mourning for 30 days...and that doesn't end on the 17th of January. I was on vacation when I heard of the death, but I know it was after the 25th, so it looks to me like there are some real stupid people out there who can't count up to 30.
I pledge allegience to the flag of the United States of America
And to the politicians who hide behind it
One nation with an attention span under 30 days
divisible by bipartisan bickering
With liberty stolen and morals legislated for all.

Tuesday

It's Tuesday, which is nothing to brag about, but its cold and there are a lot of things bugging me. Aside from having to throw out a full mouse trap, and trying to keep everyone happy with the heat, life continues as a rather hum drum affair at the moment. But I did listen to Hannity today and he was talking to Cindy Sheehan. She has a point but it seems as simple as Bernard King's "Can't we all just get along," mentality. As nice a thought as that is it is simplistic. Hannity pinned her down on what she would say if she was talking to the Iranian dictator, and in essence all she said was I would ask him to stop the fighting and lets talk about it. Isn't that nice. We were forced to watch 24 the last two nights by the kids...and when that nuke blew it kind of blew her arguements too. Something like that is in the works you can be sure.
Then there was that kidnapping case in Missouri. I listened to Mike Reagan on the way home from work last night and he told the story of his own sexual abuse. He was quite angry when discussing the media's complaining that the older one didn't escape. I really don't like people making a judgement in the case. Over the last year I've learned that the justice system is not one that is friendly or helpful to the accused. It is not innocent until proven guilty...but guilty until you prove your innocence...and you are treated that way in the system. When the person is completly innocent of the charges, which we've experienced this past year, you have to spend a ton of money on lawyers and in our case polygraph tests and psychological examinations. Then when the Family Service folks get involved you have to do it all over again just to get the accused's name of their list of people not worthy to live in their eyes. I'm into this about $15,000 and 1 year now, and it will probably go on another year to get the mess cleaned up.

So to Cindy, and the media who want to hang people for things based on surface observations, try living in something more than a superficial, shallow world. Try understanding it and deal with it in the way it presents itself. Sometimes that means we have to topple dictators, sometimes that means the justice system has to admit that it messed up and stop foisting more costs onto innocent vicitims...So media remember just because its a sensational story, doesn't mean you can or should make the value judgements, before the facts are known. In some cases folks it's better that we don't know. I really don't want to know what those kids went through because I'm sure from their perspective it could really be an embarrassment. The boys and the older one in particular broke no laws. They are the victims...leave them alone. Let them heal.
Let the rest of us heal and rejoice in something positive for a change. We can ask questions, sure and in time there will be some Dr. who will come out with information that will explain what happens in such cases. In fact this isn't a first. That kid named Stephen in California was a similar case. Too many people don't remember or even know that story.
Well its time to go seperate my 17 year old from his mother's vicinity to keep the peace in the house..."can't they just get along?"

welcome

As you can see I'm very new to blogging. I'm not new to writing a column but never in this outlet. I am bored stiff after finishing my MBA and I'm looking for a job that means something, primarily money. Life is funny that way, you get smart then you have to figure out how to use it so you can make the investment pay off. The problem is I figure I've had so much experience in so many different jobs I don't know where to focus. I know I'm tired of answering phones. I wouldn't mind bossing a few people on the phones around...but in the end I want to do something that means something to somebody...something that makes a difference. At one time in my life I wanted to run for political office. Thought that isn't totally out of the question, the experience I had with it convinced me it is such a sleeze bucket of people stabbing everyone in the back to get what they want I really don't want to do that. Especially when you consider you have to raise money most of the time. I'm not good at asking people for stuff. So this is going to be my random ramblings...some of it nonsense, some of it just my observations about life, and my opinions. There is no real theme here. I suspect that in a blog others post stuff in your blog if you catch someone's interest. I don't care if you do, just keep it clean. I'm not concerned about what anyone else thinks about any of this. It's just my own little outlet. If you like it great, if not...thanks for your time...see ya. I'm not going to argue with anyone here...this is just my own little world...hope you like it...if you can contribute something worthwhile and clean great...if not please just go away.