Sick and Tired

I'm a guy. Guys get sick. Guys have headaches. Guys get aches and pains. Non-Guys...wives...don't get sick except as it applies to guys. What I've found is I... the guy...am not allowed to mention any number of ailments. If I do then the wife instantly believes you don't love her anymore because you are trying to make yourself unattractive to her. So a guy has to be very careful about what ailments to reveal and when. Never before bed or during bed. Never anything that involves you being inhibited from doing the guy things the wife thinks you should be doing at the time she decides its guy thing doing time.
On the other hand, the wife can when she does get an ache or headache, or just plain tired, is allowed to whine. This of course is done and allowed at anytime. Especially effective is the whine on the phone to the other wives of the world. Of course this whine receives sympathy from the wives of the world, but it is not complete until the wife in question can whine that the guy in question is unsympathetic and the worst guy in the world. This also receives a lot of sympathy.
The next time you and your wife are then out with one of these other wives you immediately, as the guy must be submissive and meek as penance. No amount of explanation that at the same time as the whining was going on you had polio and the plague will do... which you, as the guy, of course did not dare reveal during the whine session (though you are sorely tempted), so you look meekly and praise the wife as being a real trooper through the whole thing. The other guy of course looks at you in disdain. What kind of real guy would ever side with the wives of the world about a whine. But you have to. It may not be a guy thing, but it is a guy requirement. Because there are times when you actually feel good and so does the wife and you can actually do enjoyable things together. Just make sure those things don't cost a lot of money that is spent on you. It's OK to spend the money on things like furniture. But don't buy a saw horse. Whatever you do not a saw horse or anything that goes along with it. You have to borrow those from her brother. Make sure you also check with her brother for instructions on how to do whatever it is, even though you've done it many times yourself without that other guy's help. The Brother is always a better guy than you, and you have to admit that or hear more whining. She'll call brother's wife and complain about you to her. Then you'll hear it from the brother who is only trying to help you become a real guy. Always remember you don't have any opinions either until you check with the brother. Now I'm at the stage where I have to check with brothers, but Father in laws qualify as supreme before the brother stage.
Then there is the son-in-law stage. He of course doesn't understand about guy stuff in a marriage. He is still new to the combination of guy and wife. He was so successful as a guy on his own that he doesn't believe you about guy stuff at first. After awhile you become very wise. Of course if he does stuff you don't do, when it comes time for you to do something that he does you have to check with him...even though you've done it lots of times.
So as a guy you don't know anything, you are in perfect health all of the time...and for heavens sakes don't forget you have to talk about the day's problems and all of the kids problems before you get to bed...Don't leave until you're ready for bed. You'll never come to end of it....in bed....and then you have to hear the whining about how you don't respect the wife's opinion, when all you want is some sleep. I'm afraid guys aren't equipped to talk, but wives are and you have to face it, you have no choice you have to learn to talk. Oh, yeah and don't forget to go downstairs and get her pills and a drink.