Angel Nurse

My stay in the hospital was no fun obviously, but there was a time when I felt like someone really cared about me. There was a point where I was bleeding my first night in and they had to do an emergency colonoscopy and endoscopy. My blood pressure was so low, I could not have anesthesia. I did not enjoy the torture. I could feel the hose the doctor used and feel them pushing it through every curve and cranny in my body.
I do not know which end was worse the upper or lower gastrointestinal track. The thing made me gag severely and the other just plain hurt every time they moved it in further or twisted it around. It is not a good experience.
There were three big people holding me down and making sure, I did not move, or that I kept the thing you hold in your teeth in place. Those people were effective, and necessary. Much of the movement was involuntary. The language was not horrible, but I was not G rated either. Didn’t get as far as R. They even had me strapped down on top of it all. That was not pleasant to have these people on top of me, and the restriction was irritating, but I really did not protest or mind. I knew what they were doing. Funny thing is I did not even hate the doctor running the hose. I knew she was doing her job. I did not like it and in the end was just begging them to take out the hose. They never found anything, through all the torture.
However, in that time that seemed to be an eternity, there was a female nurse there. I did not see her face; I did not know who she was or where she came from. I did not see her again that I know of. Through the entire process, she stroked my hand gently on the back of it. Even when everyone was telling me to just relax and concentrate on my breathing (how do you do that when your mouth is full of a hose and your gag reflex is going nuts?) she just gently stroked and patted the back of my hand.
Do not get me wrong I was miserable but too weak to do anything about anything that was going on. I even thought, so this is what it feels like to die. However, there was an angel nurse there. I wish I had her name. She seemed to genuinely care and try to make me feel better. I do not know if that is something they train nurses to do to calm people down (I was not agitated, just in pain), or if it is something she just did instinctively. Nevertheless, it was nice and made the experience less traumatic.
It is interesting even though I was very low on blood and blood pressure, I never passed out and I always was intellectually there, if not always able to speak. The only time I really went out during the whole ordeal was when they gave me the drugs to do so. I was not prepared or expecting that. I remember the whole thing. When the Paramedic wanted to get me to respond to him, I had my eyes closed and he wanted me to look at him. I did and I told him I was there and answered all his questions, I just could not move and wanted my eyes closed, and never passed out. I really appreciated too what the paramedics did, they had to get me down the stairs and I was just too weak to do it myself. They brought in a chair that rolled me down the stairs. I felt bad for them, but they did a great job too. I believe they saved my life. I hated the ambulance ride though, very bumpy. Picture yourself riding in the back of a pickup truck lying down.
I am almost back to normal, still a bit sick and dizzy, but up and about again. Thank you my angel nurse and paramedics.