The Beverage of Hope

Why does McDonalds insist on running that stupid ice coffee commercial? It is annoying and quite absurd. First off, the person holding the cup; who holds a cup like that walking the street (hmmm subliminal message about the morals of a person drinking their ice coffee?)? Do they think they are in the NFL and can straight arm their way down the street? “Excuse me lady, I have to hold my coffee out here. It’s kind of a radar detector so I don’t bump into something…well so I know when I’ve bumped…well so I’ll know to say I’m sorry after I knocked you down and plowed over you.”

Maybe it is a way to get a better place in line. All you have to do is turn in a circle and everyone will have to move away. It’s kind of like the people on their cell phones…they have their little space they pace in. Next time you want to be irritating, stand in the path the person on the cell phone is walking. The looks are priceless.

So in essence McDonalds is telling us that if you have ice coffee no one can get in your way, and if they do you’ll knock them over. So your fundamental nature is that you are a tough guy if you drink McDonald’s ice coffee. Hillary probably drinks it. Bush for sure does. Barrack, he drinks Frappes. He has to in order to bowl the way he does.

The Utah Jazz should drink McDonald’s Ice Coffee, but they don’t, at least not at home. We all know in Utah liquor and coffees are outlawed; but polygamy, now there’s something you can sink your teeth into (or do you sip it through a straw?). So pass the 14 year old and mind the milk.

I wonder if that guy who wants the NBA to cancel the Houston/Utah game because Houston is in Texas, and because they are in Texas T. Mac must be responsible for the family services down there taking all those good little “Mormon” kids. Oh wait, they aren’t Mormon. Neither is T-Mac…so it all works out. I wonder if T-Mac drinks McDonald’s Ice Coffee. That's not possible if it means your tough (ouch!). He probably drinks powdered milk.

We know the FLDS kids don’t dink MCdonald's Ice Coffee. They all drink mother’s milk if you believe all the news stories. I wonder if any of the FLDS kids jumped on those beds in the temple? I hope not, they’d spill their McDonald’s Ice Coffee the Jeff’s family is forcing them to drink, or not to drink, I don’t know which it is anymore because they aren’t Mormons. We all know Mormons are the only people on the earth who don’t drink McDonald’s ice coffee.

I don’t drink McDonald’s Ice Coffee so I must be Mormon. So in essence McDonalds is practicing religious bigotry with their commercial. I wonder what Reverend Wright would say about that? “G.D. McDonalds; it’s in the Bible!” It probably is, somewhere. The book of Ronald, chapter 2, I think.

Illegal aliens don’t drink enough McDonald’s Ice Coffee. We need to send them back, until they toughen up. We need them to drink more or get out; our economy depends on their consumption of McDonald’s Ice Coffee.

So here’s the moral I guess: If you drink McDonald’s Ice Coffee you’re a hooker and a tough Line Baker in the NFL, who knocks down little old ladies in the grocery store. You are Non-Mormon, an FLDS child (who jumps on the bed), and a Democrat, who hates McDonalds, and you are cheering for the Houston Rockets. And you might be a red neck illegal alien.

McDonalds needs to start writing Hillary commercials. They are so full of meaning, and their advertising budget is huge. We could see a Hillary commercial during every station break. McCain never had it so good (he drinks Diet Lime Coke I think).