Old Geezers

I admit it I'm getting older. I'm feeling it too. It doesn't help that my potasium levels make me ache all over most of the time, but age is starting to creep in. I feel it everytime I stand up and as I walk away from the chair it takes me several steps to straighten up. I was doing that one day and somebody thought I was having a real problem. Nope just the good old lower back. Lower back muscles just don't play fair. Will someone tell me how you're supposed to exercise them so they don't hurt and avoid not being able to walk the next day. I had a hernia operation several years ago (a sure sign of an old fart)...and I can't get rid of the back pain and I think it is pinching the sciatic nerve.

So with all the woes what does it mean to get older. First of all your kids start talking to you slower and louder, thinking you either can't hear or understand. Then when you're hair shows signs of gray of course it isn't a bad thing...its dignified. Of course behind your back they're all talking about how much time is left. When they start claiming things for their inheritance is when I hold a garage sale and make sure I mark those pieces down. The least they could do is wait til I bif it before they start to haggle over the stuff. Getting old means when you scan the obituaries you're seeing more and more of those your age showing up. What's even more disturbing is you actually start reading the obituary. I don't know if you hope you'll get some good material for the future or if you just want to make yourself feel better that it isn't yours.
Obituaries have gotten really strange in recent years. I heard of one guy who filmed his own reading of the obituary for the funeral. What a great way to get back at some people..."and to my brother in law with the whining kids and no backbone to discipline them, I hope you join me soon and give the world a break from your weenie way of raising kids." That could be fun.

I keep waiting for someone to give me the senior discount. I'm not there yet, but I'm not too far from some of them. I just wish AARP would quite sending mail. It gives the post office the wrong idea. Who wants the mailperson to know you're no spring chicken? I mean they control the mail that gets in the box and if they think you're old you'll start getting Ensure samples in the mail. If I'm ever to the point I have to drink that stuff...Please I'd rather have a V8.
Of course there's always those dependable jokes about aging, and no I don't want to wear them. If I'm going to be old and grumpy I don't want to do it diapers.

In fact as I get older I look meaner. I like that part. People steer clear of you and just kind of shake their head knowingly. "Poor fellow, must have gas today." If you get someone who wants to present something stupid as an old person you don't have to say much just shake your head and say something like "yes, I'm sure with your inexperience that sounds like a great idea, it was when we tried it too." Then just sit there and frown. The Frown lines around your mouth get really cool looking as you get older...Of course my generation all liked to wear mustaches and some beards...a really good mustache groomed so it points down is a great assett when you want to really frown. It doesn't hurt to leave the gray in it either.

So getting older itself isn't bad it's all the physical pain it creates. Mentally I'm great...and my voice is still taken as belonging to someone much younger..which in my job helps. I can sound my age or sound like a kid and get away with it. Credibility with the person on the other end of the phone depends on what they imagine you to be. Now if I could just perfect an Indian accent, people will think I'm stupid and ask for someone else. See age does come with its priveleges of sarcasm, cynicism and just plain meanness. It sure beats trying to impress everyone.