Life After Work

I was fired on Friday the 13th. The date really wasn’t significant. But as I carried my things out to my car I got a hernia. When I got home I found out my son was arrested. Now that was a bad day. Bad days come in a variety of flavors. Bad days where you have a hard time at work seem to be the most common. People yell at you, or you can’t figure something out, or if you do its wrong. Then there is the bad day where things just don’t go right at home. The kids are rotten, the bills are too high, and maybe there was a fender bender. The real bad ones are the days where you or someone you know get hurt or die or something like that.

None of the bad days are good by definition. But some you can forget about and just move on. Others you have to live with for awhile. I especially don’t like those kinds of bad days. But then there are those like my Friday the 13th experience where they all combine. That’s called stress. The interesting thing is everyone wants to cheer you up and tries to make you feel like everything is fine. You smile and agree and say I hope so and thank you, when the truth of the mater is you just want to be angry for at least a day.

I mean really, don’t you deserve just one day to feel like a loser? A day where you can curse the cosmic realities of life and just say to hell with you all? I think you deserve that on a day like my Friday the 13th. You might even deserve 2 days. But then you have to get on with living on Monday the 16th. Look for a job, schedule surgery for the hernia, go bail your kid out of jail. But you at least deserve one day of being just plain angry at the world.

Now I know that isn’t productive, but it feels better by the time Monday comes around. During my pout session I did wonder if it would be allowed in heaven to pout when the harp polish runs out or if the wing clippings don’t get swept up from the clouds after the trim. Is pouting allowed in Heaven? Can you be fired from Heaven once you’re in? St. Peter from HR sits you down and says after reviewing your last miracle we’ve decided that this isn’t a good fit and so we are letting you go. You ask in a panic, “You don’t mean I’m going to hell?” St. Peter simply nods, and you ask, “Am I re-hirable?” St. Peter starts quoting chapter and verse from the Heaven handbook of standard operating procedures and lets you know that after only one millennia you may re-apply for angel ship, but that your permanent file will be retained for at least 7 millennia for legal purposes. They can’t have all those lawyers from hell knocking on their door without documentation.

Of course you could still apply for other positions, Guardian Angel is open occasionally, and so is benevolent ghost. But full fledged Angelhood will be very difficult. But Heaven does have a policy about hiring from within, so there is a chance of both lateral and even upward promotions. Unfortunately, though at this time, you are condemned to Hell for the time being. There is a spot in Limbo, or at least there was until the Pope decided to downsize and closed the department. So you won’t need to take your drink cup, it won’t be allowed down there anyway. Good luck and happy Friday the 13th.

You see, there is life after work, its the quality that is in question. So can you be angry in hell for a decade or two and pout, before you start applying for coal distribution director?